Monday, June 22, 2009

Frogs, Lizards, and Spiders - Oh My!

This weekend, I was sick as a dog. SICK, SICK! And, to top things off, my dear husband (who doubles as my protector, when necessary) was out of the state at a wedding in Colorado. Friday night, I was feeling restless/getting a little cabin fever from laying in bed for 36 hours straight. So, I called two of my girlfriends, and we went to see The Proposal. (A side note - LOOOVED IT!)
When I came home from the movie, feeling gross, sick, and overall "yucky", I met my demise...

**Please note, this frog/toad is not to scale. The one I encountered was FAR LARGER...At least the size of a small pizza. I walked up my front walkway into MY home, and there he was - staring me down, ready to kill. It was a scene out of a Western. (Que Western Movie music. Que Tumbleweeds) He was the biggest man-eating frog/toad I have ever seen. Frozen in fear, and knowing that frogs can smell fear - I quickly thought, "Well Erin, here you are; stuck. You can try to sneak around it. But what are the chances that this one frog has super-sonic jumping power and it lunges at you, sending you towards your death?? OR you can go into the house through the back yard door. But, what if there are lizards at the back door (which there usually are!)? Oh Erin, man up. Just walk past the frog/toad. GROW UP." With that pep-talk, I found just enough courage to sloooowwwwly, creeeeeepppp past the frog/toad as to not disturb him, lunged at the door to get my key in as fast as possible. And what do I see out of the corner of my eye???!?!? THE WORLDS LARGEST LIZARD KNOWN TO MAN!
**Please note, this lizard is not to scale. The Lizard on my house was FAR LARGER. At least 15 times larger, probably the size of a weenie-dog. The man-eating lizard ran down the wall to try to eat me alive (because they think humans taste better still alive). I tried as hard as I could to get my house key into the lock. ALL OF THE SUDDEN, THEY DO NOT MATCH UP. I can not get the key in the lock. With fear/vomit rising from within, I FINALLY managed to get the door open, get in the house, shut and lock the door - using the door lock and the deadbolt lock. I walked all around the house, locking the garage door into the house, the back door and all the windows. I shut all the blinds, (just in case there are frogs/toads and lizards peering in, planning my death). I wash my face, brush my teeth and crawl into bed. A deep sigh, and a hacking cough later.... I realize I forgot to take my medicine. Bummer.

Contemplating whether or not my medicine is worth it (hearing my mother inside my head telling me to get out of bed and take my medicine...) I crawl out of bed and walk towards the kitchen. THANK GOODNESS I watch the ground when I walk because there was a man-eating taranchula directly in my path. **Note: Tarachula pictured is not to scale. The one in my house was FAR LARGER.

Now, I am not one to exaggerate. This spider was HUGE, maybe the size of a quarter. However, unlike the toad/frog and lizard-the-size-of-a-weenie-dog, I can kill spiders. Oh Yes, I can! And, I did. Yes, I did! I killed that little spider, with a smile on my face.

I felt like I could regain control at my home, which clearly has become a breeding ground for all things awful. While there were several other events with gross bugs this weekend, this all was in the span of 15 minutes. It possibly made the top 5 worst 15-minutes-of-my-life list. Gross.


  1. Have I mentioned, lately, that I love you? If not, I do. I love you and unbelieveable amount. Very funny post. I can hear you in my head, narrating the entire thing. Also, I have good Belton-related news. Call me.

  2. Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine how much I would have screamed and cried. Did you scream and cry? Did you really kill a tarantula? Cause that is impressive.