Wednesday, May 16, 2012

So Emotional

I forgot how emotional pregnancy makes you. I thought the extra hormones and emotions comes much later in pregnancy... however, tonight, I spent the evening SOBBING through the season finale of Private Practice. If you haven't seen it skip the the rest of this paragraph. If you have seen it... you know what happens. Ameila is pregnant with a brainless baby. She goes into labor and decides to harvest her baby's organs to save so many other babies. She made the choice early on to not see, hold, meet her baby upon arrival. As soon as the sweet baby was born, she of course, asked to hold the little boy. {Note - I was still okay at this point...} Then, just as the baby starts to go into respiratory failure she has to say goodbye. ENTER TEARS. She leans down to kiss her baby. She tells him that he is the most beautiful baby she has ever seen and then she whispers something close to "Go meet your daddy" (who also died). SOB.BING! Good Lord.

It just made me think, I can't imagine growing a baby, a baby I created out of love, for nine months only to say good-bye before I get to say hello!!? My great-aunt lost a baby when the baby was  two years old. Today she is one of my most favorite people. She is unique and so full of love. She smiles and makes you feel like the most important person when you are talking with her. My mother lost a full-term baby shortly after I was born. She named him. She doesn't talk about him, but she will answer questions if you ask her. She always does it and moves on with such grace. How do you do that with such an incredible loss?? How do you move on and keep your head up?? Both of these women, are two of the most optimistic women I know. How do you do have such loss and smile every day?? Pure Grace.

To make matters worse, I was holding Noah in my arms through the whole show. I kissed him a lot. I rubbed my belly a lot. I thanked God frequently for the situation I have, for the blessings I am given and pray that I don't ever have to be in a situation where I know that kind of pain.

SO, let's call it pregnancy hormones or let's call it what it is - an unimaginable pain. Either way, I am glad that episode is over and I don't have to see or think about them least until the fall. 

On other news - Our little angel turned two this weekend. We spent the weekend at the Ranger's game. Two years in a row!! Let's call it tradition!! I will post pictures soon.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

It Is Embarrassing, Really.

Every time I open my blog to read the "Google Reader", I see that I have not updated my blog in so long. I am so embarrassed. Really. AND, to make matters worse, so much has happened in the last month. Since I last blogged –

·      Noah got his first BIG BOY haircut. This was extremely bittersweet for me. It took us TWO WHOLE YEARS to grow his hair. With one swoop it is gone…ish. It is trimmed. You know what else they cut off at the barber shop?? His little baby look about him. He now looks like a real little boy – which is fine, since he TURNS TWO THIS SATURDAY. Speaking of bittersweet…

·      Yes, I found myself meeting his first birthday with extreme hesitation. I didn’t want my baby to grow up. This year, I see how much he grows – daily. I get excited to watch him grow up! I find myself meeting his second birthday with joy and excitement. Big steps!!

·      We have more to celebrate too. Noah is going to be a big brother! We found out we were pregnant in early March and our newest little arrival is due Thanksgiving day! Cullen and I couldn’t be more thrilled. One of my favorite moments with Noah and the new baby is, when you ask him, “Where is Mommy’s baby? Is it in my tummy?” He will point to his tummy and say, “No. My tunny.” 

·      School ends in three weeks. Yahoo. I LOVE my students, but I sure am ready to spend the summer with my Toot. 

·      Speaking of Summer - We have a beach trip planned with the Durbins in June. Kylie and Noah are taking their whirlwind friendship out of town. Nothing makes my happier than to see these two play together.

Sadly, there is so much more…but that has to be it for now. It is Tuesday afternoon and my brain is spent! Time to go get my stinker!