Most of my blog posts are semi-serious... wrapped with a comical or happy little bow. Let's get serious for a minute.
Cullen and I went to our first of four childbirth classes at the hospital last night. I was on the phone with my mom prior to our class and I told her, Cullen hadn't had anything to drink, and we are watching a birthing VIDEO. Yikes. I told her I would be shocked if he makes it through the video without vomiting, or wanting to vomit. She got a good laugh and knew I would have great stories to tell after class. Want the story??
Turns out, I was the weaker one. Through the video I found myself laughing at inappropriate times; I found myself weak-stomached, a bit disgusted at times and wondering if I am the only mother, who six months into pregnancy, thinks maybe this wasn't a great idea??? Yes, for a split second, I did think - Can I really do this?? It wasn't the actual Labor and Delivery that threw me for a loop. It was the idea of being completely exposed. Emotionally and Physically. I am emotionally vulnerable to this new life, to the doctors and nurses, to my husband (who I am not sure will make it through L&D) AND, new information to me, I am COMPLETELY EXPOSED. Naked. I know, I know. Most of you are thinking, "wasn't that a known fact?" NOPE. It wasn't. I thought, for some odd reason, there was a modesty shield, or cloth that was hung that separated me from "whats below." Nope. Not a chance. The sad thing is, if you know me at all, you know that I am NOT modest. Turns out, pregnancy has sure done a number on me!
Last night, the lady running the class did assure us that the hospital staff is very careful to protect your modesty until the absolutely have to expose you - that is just not something I want to see, and it is for sure something I don't want Cullen to see. Pregnancy is going to scar him enough, much less those images.
Enough of the rant. To be boldly honest, last night scared me. It made me cherish my little baby boy RIGHT NOW. I like where he is. Inside me. Covered. I am finally nervous about labor. Not the pain. The pain will be worth it. It is the emotional roller coaster that goes with it.
I am glad I have a supportive partner, friends who are going through it with me, and mothers who are there to guide me through. I have never been so thankful to have such a supportive circle.
I will leave you with my constant thought... to quote Thomas the Train, "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can."