Wednesday, May 16, 2012

So Emotional

I forgot how emotional pregnancy makes you. I thought the extra hormones and emotions comes much later in pregnancy... however, tonight, I spent the evening SOBBING through the season finale of Private Practice. If you haven't seen it skip the the rest of this paragraph. If you have seen it... you know what happens. Ameila is pregnant with a brainless baby. She goes into labor and decides to harvest her baby's organs to save so many other babies. She made the choice early on to not see, hold, meet her baby upon arrival. As soon as the sweet baby was born, she of course, asked to hold the little boy. {Note - I was still okay at this point...} Then, just as the baby starts to go into respiratory failure she has to say goodbye. ENTER TEARS. She leans down to kiss her baby. She tells him that he is the most beautiful baby she has ever seen and then she whispers something close to "Go meet your daddy" (who also died). SOB.BING! Good Lord.

It just made me think, I can't imagine growing a baby, a baby I created out of love, for nine months only to say good-bye before I get to say hello!!? My great-aunt lost a baby when the baby was  two years old. Today she is one of my most favorite people. She is unique and so full of love. She smiles and makes you feel like the most important person when you are talking with her. My mother lost a full-term baby shortly after I was born. She named him. She doesn't talk about him, but she will answer questions if you ask her. She always does it and moves on with such grace. How do you do that with such an incredible loss?? How do you move on and keep your head up?? Both of these women, are two of the most optimistic women I know. How do you do have such loss and smile every day?? Pure Grace.

To make matters worse, I was holding Noah in my arms through the whole show. I kissed him a lot. I rubbed my belly a lot. I thanked God frequently for the situation I have, for the blessings I am given and pray that I don't ever have to be in a situation where I know that kind of pain.

SO, let's call it pregnancy hormones or let's call it what it is - an unimaginable pain. Either way, I am glad that episode is over and I don't have to see or think about them least until the fall. 

On other news - Our little angel turned two this weekend. We spent the weekend at the Ranger's game. Two years in a row!! Let's call it tradition!! I will post pictures soon.

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