It's Been A LOOOOONNNGGGGG Morning

I have the Angelcare Movement Sensor baby monitor. I love this monitor and would recommend it to ANYONE. For those of you who do not have this monitor, the idea behind it, is your baby's mattress sits on a sensor. That sensor monitors the slightest movements, including breathing. The monitor sounds an alarm when/if your baby stops breathing. I read so many reviews before I registered for this monitor, and everyone says it is completely legit, with very minimal false alarms. Done. I want a monitor that makes me feel safe about Noah sleeping in his own bedroom, and this is the exact thing that gives me piece of mind...

...Last night, about 2:30, Noah starts tossing and turning in his bed. I can hear him over the monitor that he is a little unsettled. We check on him, he's asleep, we go back to bed. Around 4:00 a.m. Noah's alarm goes off. It jars us awake. Cullen shoots across the house; I am not sure his feet hit the floor between our room and Noah's...only to find Noah awake, kicking his feet. We calmed down, Cullen changed and fed Noah and I went and laid back down.

I laid there and got a little teary. It was quite scary. I got up, went and gave Noah an I LOVE YOU kiss, pet his face, wiped away my tears, and went back to bed. Noah was fine, and it was a false alarm. But, it got me thinking. How many times does that monitor go off, because a baby really isn't breathing, AND how do parents stay calm when they run into their baby's room to find them not breathing??

He started getting fussy and restless again at 5:30ish. I just got up and held him. He fell fast, and deep asleep on my chest. We spent the rest of the morning in the chair, Noah sleeping and me just laying there pondering...

I know I am only 11 weeks into motherhood, but, being a parent is so stressful. You are completely, totally, 100% responsible for a little being. A being you love, unconditionally, whole heartedly, instantly. But, how do you get through moments like this?? How do you get through the moment a doctor tells you that your infant, toddler, teenager has to go under for a major surgery? How do you mend their first broken heart? How do you get through the tough moments? Are those all masked by the good moments? The "I love you, mommy"? The kisses and bear hugs from your baby??

I am exhausted, emotionally. I need a nap.